Shes so "pretty"!

Imagine, if a restaurant owner, let’s say Chief Gordon Ramsey. Imagine if he offered you a job at one of his restaurants. And not any job, he wanted you to represent the restaurant.  

You’d be the host; the first one people saw to welcome and greet.

What if after a while, one day you were called into the office and told that you no longer can represent the restaurant and was now demoted to the back as a dishwasher.

You’d immediately mentally review and revise your entire work history there. Where you ever late? Did anyone make any complaints? What could you have done wrong?

Now if this example were real, given how extreme the positions are then we probably did do something wrong.

We probably no longer liked the job and it showed in our work and performance. We were probably hanging out with people who didn’t have jobs or responsibilities and it rubbed off.

Only an arrogant person in either scenario would act as if being demoted was better. Would play it off like given the position of doing the dishes isn’t really a result of their own doing.

A narcists would even continue to hang out with the waiters and new host to convince them to join them in the back.

This is what’s going on in the crazy world of internet and social media hijabis.

I’m continuing this conversation because I want sisters to know that if you are struggling to keep your hijab on or if one day you plan on wearing it, you need to keep your circle of influence as one that includes those that are where you want to go.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” a quote by Jim Rohn.

In todays world its really of question of who do we spend the most time watching? Who are those five people\\\\ and if you are a Muslim and they aren’t, or their not practicing, you’re going to be misled.

You see, in this conversation of hijab we’re mixing in too many cases. First and second generations dealing with cultural baggage and trauma. Parents wanting for their daughters to cover and that being a struggle.

And by the way, you sisters out here are influencing. Good or bad. If you call yourself Muslim and you post anything, you are either encouraging someone to goodness or to bad. Like it or not. Its why you’re on social media and we will all be held accountable for what we put out.

I’m talking to my adult sisters. The same type that I worked with and went to school with before knowing anything about Islam. The ones who wanted to be just like us Christians. Maybe back then, this was out of fear of being treated badly.

But this fear that may have been what kept sisters from practicing or even telling people that they were Muslims in public back then is now turning into straight ignorance.

These sisters are getting bold. They make a public announcement about removing their hijab.

Then, what’s the first thing they tell a sister after she takes her hijab off? Oh! You look so pretty! You’re so beautiful. Like the world saying, “welcome back to being on public display”.  No one says, “well, you’re still the most honest person I know” or anything having to do with character. Just shallow compliments.

And I guess the reason this type of reaction bothers me is because, while people mean well, its demeaning.

Grown women, with jobs, careers, families, and accomplishments being patted on the head like puppies looking for acknowledgement and love.

What if we went to a job interview and they just talked about how pretty we were. We’d be ready to file a lawsuit. This should be the first sign of the struggle that not wearing hijab brings. For most of the world yes, you are reduced and will be measured by how you look.

And are men treated this way? Are men called “cute” and “handsome” when wanting to be respected. No their not.

At the end of the day, if Islam is a priority and we invest in it, it will improve our lives. If our goal is Allah He will guide and everything else will follow organically so that it all has purpose.

The thing about hijab, is that its like a relationship status on social media. Not everyone wants to admit publicly that there in a complicated relationship. And if there is complication in our relationship with Islam then the problem is within us. Are we praying? Are we conscience of Allah or have we stopped caring and now neglect that relationship?

 

Hijab or not, this people pleasing, and co-dependent culture is no good. This needy-narcistic society that begs for attention, and for people to “like me” follow me” “be my friend” but only on a shallow level is weak. This need to brain-wash the world as to why I take off or don’t agree with hijab is just cognitive dissonance. Its in your own head. Keep it out of ours.  

Allah tells us in the Quran

“O you who believe, if anyone from you turns back from his Faith, then Allah will bring a people whom He loves and who love Him, humble toward the believers, hard on the disbelievers, who fight in the way of Allah and are not afraid of the reproach of any critic. That is a grace of Allah. He confers it on whom He wills. Allah is All-Embracing, All-Knowing” – 5-54

Dear sisters, stop being fickle. Don’t tell the world “respect me for my mind and not my looks” but then carry yourself to the contrary.

And to my sisters whose goal is to one day wear hijab or if your struggling to keep it on, stay away from these dishwashers. These sisters that take their hijab off and then act as if they are now “free”, and their lives are now better. Those that act as if they’ve now been promoted to some higher level and are now better than everyone else.

This is not a message that we want to put out there. Don’t fall for these illusions. We all struggle, we all make mistakes. But what we should never do, is be bold with in our disobedience to Allah. Allah will cover our mistakes so long as we are humble and work on them.

Asalaamu Alaikum